I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
