Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
