This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
