You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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