how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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