dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
