My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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