Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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