a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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