dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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