Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this will be a night to untag.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
