Too much gin, very little bucket
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
