You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
