nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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