i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
