I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
