At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
