I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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