My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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