I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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