I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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