Dual....:-)
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
