mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
