I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
