yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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