i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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