that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
