guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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