he wants to bone in the snuggie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
