dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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