umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
