Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
