Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
