so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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