Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
