I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize