so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
