when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
