Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
