My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
