I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
