yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
