My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ketchup is God's man juice
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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