I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
