well I can't set my house on fire every night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your dad touched me again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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