I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
