he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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