Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
