i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
