bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
