I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
