did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
