Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
