Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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