If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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