I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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