we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
