Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
