I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
