they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
