apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
