he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
