the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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