Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
