i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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