apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
