Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
