if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
